Nobbut Laiking, by Ross Brewster
Politicians have never had it so bad with the loss of public respect for the job they do.
And yet I’m willing to vouch that the majority of men and women who sit in parliament are decent, honest people just trying to do their best for their constituents and not all down the betting shop following some inexplicably accurate tips.
It’s a huge shame that the actions of the few are the headline makers, adding fuel to the fire of those who say they have lost all trust.
These days it’s not only a difficult job, but potentially a dangerous one.
Until recently I would never have thought MPs would have had to wear stab vests while attending public surgeries, that deranged death threats would litter email accounts or that at least one MP admits spending up to £2,000 a week on personal security when she is working in her constituency.
People seeing Nigel Farage splashed with banana milk shake, or being peppered with bricks while on his campaign bus, might have a quiet titter. It’s only good old pie and a pint Nigel. He’ll laugh it off.
But what if one day it’s not milkshake but a bottle of something very nasty? The first time Farage was assailed in the street it was almost eight years to the day since Labour MP Jo Cox was stabbed and shot by a neo-Nazi just days before the EU referendum.
Her death seems to have changed nothing. Her sister Kim Leadbeater, who is herself an MP, said toxicity in politics is still putting MPs at risk.
A number of MPs are not standing in the forthcoming election because of fears for their safety. One tells the story of messages from inside prison from a racist who threatens to “hold her to account”. His picture in her office is there to warn staff if he should turn up one day.
How are we to get the best people into parliament in an atmosphere like this? The sort of politicians capable of putting this country back on its feet are likely to earn more money for less risk elsewhere.
It’s easy to moan about our MPs. Some deserve criticism. But in this increasingly violent and divided society it takes a bit of courage.
“Passion with respect,” is how one retiring MP described what’s needed. Worryingly there are extremists out there, of left and right persuasion, who have a very different and alarming view of democracy.
Just pouring oil on troubled waters
After a winter of clambering on motorway bridges and squatting on roads to block ambulances and people going about their daily business, the vicars, teachers and students of Just Stop Oil have moved on to a campaign against culture and heritage.
Like their other juvenile gestures, their orange power is losing more public support for their aims than it gains.
Of course they are successful in their own way. We all feign disgust at their tactics, but they snatch the headlines and TV news bulletins even in the midst of an election.
Magna Carta, Van Gogh, Les Mis, the World Snooker Championships and now Stonehenge. They pick their targets for maximum effect. It seems they might even have had a go at painting Taylor Swift’s private plane orange. Not such a good move when the entire youth of Britain and the royals have become dedicated Swifties.
I am sure if Just Stop Oilers tried that stunt in Miss Taylor’s home state in the US it would be cops with guns and tasers and ask questions later, not the softly-softly approach our bobbies take to their arrant vandalism.
Defacing the King’s new picture would not have gone down so well in a lot of less tolerant countries. So the oilers are making their mark, and the right to protest is something we hold dear.
But ultimately they are testing the public’s patience more than making any valid statement. They are looking more like stray Netherlands football fans than being taken seriously.
Sing while they’re winning drawing
Football songs have become desperately unimaginative, although you can usually rely on the English to find something vaguely insulting to the natives when they go on foreign missions.
The England fans were politely asked to lay off one of their favourites, Ten German Bombers, a children’s morale booster in wartime which gains new currency as a football chant.
Personally, the one I like is comedian Stan Boardman’s epic from 2006. It contains the classic lines “aye, aye yippee, the Germans bombed our chippy”.
Funny how it never made the top 10 here or in Germany.
Vote-winning policies
Count Binface, alias comedian Jonathan David Harvey, is standing in Rishi Sunak’s North Yorkshire constituency.
The inter-galactic space warrior introduced a 24-point manifesto hoping to strike a chord with voters.
Not as daft as making Claudia Winkleman’s fringe Grade 1 listed and pledging to sing for Britain in the Eurovision song contest, The Count says he will insist, if elected, on all water officials taking a dip in the nearest river or lake and invite Europe to join the UK.
Best of all, he plans to bring in national service — for all former prime ministers.
