Nobbut Laiking, by Ross Brewster
Language changes over time. Like a word I heard during an interview on the radio the other day with a senior executive of the Co-op.
I remember as a child my mother washing up and saying to my dad “just give those dishes a quick rinse”. It was one of my father’s few concessions to domesticity, standing at the sink giving the dinner plates a quick once-over.
“Rinsing”. It’s not so innocent now. The boss of the Co-op was being interviewed about the plague of shoplifting by organised gangs – “rinsing” he termed it.
I’ve not heard the word used in that context before. I looked it up in a couple of dictionaries. The general consensus was a description of losing badly and humiliation.
He said there were over 1,000 instances of shoplifting every week in Co-ops and many were now organised and violent groups. It is costing millions of pounds every year, a price which you and me as customers have to pay for.
The Co-op or any one of half a dozen big stores, plus thousands of high street and corner shops. You can bet your bottom dollar it’s a similar tale of out-of-control theft.
The chief executive said staff were advised to observe, but not to be heroes and try to stop thefts. They might have got a punch on the nose 20 years ago, now it’s likely to be a knife in the ribs.
The shoplifters I remember from my days reporting in court tended to be pensioners nicking a tin of cat food. You got a few regulars, but as criminals went they were pretty inept.
In more recent times outdoor gear in shops in the Lakes has been an expensive target. They come up the M6 from Liverpool and Manchester, or across from Yorkshire, on organised raids. The main targets are in the southern Lake District for a quick escape. You are talking of £50,000 in one afternoon.
My nephew was an outdoor teacher in a school for naughty boys. He brought a party of them on an adventure break to Outward Bound and at night he got a heck of a shock when he saw them ripping labels off coats.
He made them identify where they had stolen the goods and spent the next day returning what he could.
They blame poverty. Yet Amazon are sending out thousands of delivery vans every day, touts are selling football tickets for £250 a time at big games and pubs are booked solid for Sunday lunches, so we can’t be that badly off.
Until shoplifting is treated seriously, with zero tolerance, thieves will go on thinking it’s almost a fundamental right to help themselves. No more cardboard coppers in entrances. A nationwide blitz, that’s the only answer.
Oh to be young? I’ll think about that
Life in this country isn’t too bad otherwise people would not risk their lives in rubber dinghies to come here. But it’s not what it was by any means. It’s more violent. And the criminals are getting younger. Within five years teachers will be striking for danger money, just you see.
I dislike being old from the point of view of aches and pains, dodgy ticker etc. Otherwise it’s fairly tolerable as long as Amazon brings my order, I can stagger off to the football and have the odd pub lunch.
But would I wish to be young in the world as it is today? Now that takes some thinking about.
We’ll take owt for nowt
They packed off the first illegal immigrant on a commercial flight to Rwanda, four grand in his back pocket to ease the transition from rainy old Britain to the land of sun and a thousand peaks.
It doesn’t sound too bad actually. Arsenal footballers display an advert for it on their shirts. And one prospective immigrant told the BBC he would snatch our Government’s hand off as long as it provided him with somewhere quiet to study.
Rishi Sunak’s plan was to threaten boat people with something horrible. The problem is it sounds far too nice. Since they gave up genocide as a national sport they have tidied the place up, even built a football pitch.
So if our Government has a few planes hanging about, why not fill them with pensioners. Give us old folk a treat. A holiday in the sun. I can almost guarantee if there’s owt for nowt we’ll fill up the flights.
Height of bad manners
If as seems odds on, Angela Rayner is a leading figure in the Labour government this time next year, she needs to clean up her language somewhat. Otherwise I foresee World War Three.
It was childish to call Rishi Sunak a “pint sized loser” during Commons Questions. Definitely heightist. Ms Rayner, who is about 5ft 10ins, indeed does look down on the Prime Minister who is officially 5ft 7in.
I’m sure Rishi has heard it all before. But what of Vladimir Putin? He’s not exactly tall. I reckon nearer 5ft 5in than 5ft 7in.
Leaders like Putin and Macron are sensitive about their height and it’s the ones with their fingers on nuclear triggers that Angela Rayner needs to go carefully with.
