An “accidental campaigner” is how Eden man Andy Airey, one of the 3 Dads Walking group, describes himself, but there can be no mistaking his sense of purpose — he is on a mission to save lives.
Andy, who lives at Morland with his wife, Fiona, addressed a packed audience at Penrith library on Tuesday as part of an evening event to celebrate the launch of a new book called Three Dads Walking: 300 miles of hope.
Before his daughter, Sophie, took her own life on 19th December, 2018, Andy said he didn’t know that suicide was the biggest killer of people aged 35 and under in the UK.
“Our world just collapsed, instantly,” said Andy.
“Beyond shattered, it was like every bit of your body was broken. The pain, the physical pain you feel, is unbelievable. Trying to draw breath is almost impossible.”
Andy recalls that During that darkest of times, Stewart Fyfe, the then vicar at Morland, said something which resonated with him.
“He said people will say time is a great healer, but that is a load of rubbish. You will always have a Sophie-shaped hole in your life. At the moment it is the biggest thing, it is the only thing you can see, and you are just falling into that hole, but over time you will find something, or some things, that will begin to insulate you from that hole and you won’t fall in as regularly.
“I remember thinking, when he said that, it was a bit like a glimmer of hope that somehow you would live, that you could carry on living,” said Andy.
The newly published book, Three Dads Walking: 300 miles of hope, tells the story of what has kept him, Tim Owen and Mike Palmer going. All three have lost daughters to suicide.
On that first walk from Andy’s home in Morland via Mike’s home in Sale, near Manchester, and Tim’s home at Shouldham, near King’s Lynn, their 3 Dads Walking mission became clear.
They are now putting their collective voice to good use by campaigning for suicide prevention to become a compulsory part of the school curriculum.
Over 160,000 people signed their petition to the Government which said: “We want suicide spoken about in schools in a safe and age-appropriate way. Speaking about suicide saves lives.
“The Department for Education are conducting a review of the RSHE curriculum; this petition calls on the Department for Education to include suicide prevention within the statutory guidelines of the new curriculum.”
Last month, they were in the Speaker’s house at Westminster where they were presented with a “petition campaign of the year” award. While they were very pleased to receive the recognition for the effort they have put in on getting suicide prevention on the school curriculum, they say it will all come to nothing if the changes they have campaigned for do not happen.
Speaking on Tuesday evening, Andy said all the research which has been carried out and evidence gathered by experts points to the fact that talking about suicide does not provoke suicide — talking about suicide prevention saves lives.
“If this is the biggest risk to our young people we need to talk to them about it and surely the best place to do it is in school. In schools, we are training people about drugs, road traffic, knife crime, but we don’t talk to them about the biggest risk to lives,” said Andy.
He believes it can be done in a thoughtful, safe and age-appropriate way. “At the heart of it, we can talk about help-seeking behaviour. The idea is that we can train people that in times of difficulty the right thing to do is reach out for help, not solve all the problems yourself,” said Andy.
As children reach secondary school age, discussion can then take place about mental health issues and suicidal thoughts, built on a foundation of help-seeking behaviour.
“If we can do that, our young people will come through school with the knowledge that as and when you get into a very dark place and you are having suicidal ideation the right thing to do is ask for help, because not asking for help kills people.
“But the only way our young people will know that is by talking to them,” said Andy.
By the end of last summer, said Andy, the 3 Dads had seen a draft of a new RSHE curriculum which includes a holistic approach to suicide prevention in schools.
They had listened to everything that everybody had said. Initially, they are talking about people going through teacher training being given mental health and suicide prevention modules.
“Teachers at the moment go through their training and they are not taught it, they are just taught how to teach and then chucked into the classroom,” said Andy.
The understanding was that the new RSHE curriculum was due to come forward for public consultation in October — but it was postponed and since then nothing has happened.
Andy said they had a meeting in January with Damian Hinds, the newly appointed minister for schools, who told them the process was still ongoing.
“It is there, sitting, ready to come for a public consultation. We wrote to him to say, you know we are going to be going on this next walk and people are going to ask us what is happening, but we haven’t had a reply. It is sitting on his desk.
“So, a call to action. If you feel like it, write to Neil Hudson (MP for Penrith and the Border) and Damian Hinds and say, why are you not doing something about suicide prevention. It is there ready to go,” he said.
Fundraising for suicide prevention charity PAPYRUS has also been part of the 3 Dads’ mission. Having started with a £9,000 target, they raised about £1.2 million on their JustGiving fundraising page from their first two walks. Now there is the book, which tells the story of the first walk.
“It is a message of hope. Without doubt there is a message of hope in there. It shows that in the darkest of times you can do things positively and you can help other people and help yourself.
“It is full of tears, without any doubt. There is a lot of tragic emotion, but it is also full of laughter, because we did laugh. We laughed a lot and we did try and capture that within the book,” said Andy.
They will start their next 500-mile walk in Stirling on Wednesday morning and will be walking to Norwich between newly opened or soon to open offices of PAPYRUS. They will again be raising funds for the charity.
A Department for Education spokeswoman said: “Our deepest sympathies are with the families and friends of those affected by suicide, and we are working with experts from across the sector to update the curriculum.
“Due to the complex and sensitive nature of this subject, we are taking the necessary time to get it right before publishing updated guidance for consultation.”
